I ended up at the AERA conference in Toronto this April. I didn’t do a whole lot this trip, but I did find a few cool things.
The start to my trip was discovering that I had no phone service in Canada. Yeah… first trip across country lines with my cell phone. I was driving… So fortunately, I found a gas station with wifi and downloaded a map to my airbnb. But the keys were at another hotel with a 24 hour security desk, a guard who wasn’t there, and I really needed to pee. Apparently my credit card had a pin number on it, which I didn’t realize. So no cell phone, no money, and no map. I was getting a little nervous. After about 5 hours trying to get checked in to my airbnb, it was smooth sailing. I got a good laugh out of it once I was done crying.
The conference center was next door from Ripley’s Aquarium, so I headed over there for lunch. It was a little overcrowded for my taste, but I can understand why. The many Aquariums housed a variety of fish and aquatic life. And there was a tunnel through one where sharks and sea-life swim around you.
My favorite piece of Toronto was the Distillery District. Did some shopping and grabbed a few snacks. It reminded me a little of Saint Augustine. The prices were a little higher than they are back home, but nothing too bad.
The remaining highlights of an otherwise uninteresting trip:
Well… I did it! I sent out my grad school applications. It’s terrifying. I have no idea what the future is going to hold. But it’s exciting. I hope. At the very least, I did what I once thought was impossible.
And I could not have done it without the amazing family I have found along the way. One Standard-Issue-Doodle who has literally picked me up off the floor more times than will ever make sense. My advisors who pushed me when I didn’t think I could, and Kim who makes sure everyone is okay. My amazing girlfriends from Tribe. The Instigator who has let me borrow his truck, gotten my kid from school, and never once forgotten my bday. And a special thank you to my daughter, Little Bear. She has been amazing through out this process.
I know the layout is a bit off. PigTailz wasn’t meant to be a comic, wasn’t meant to be published. After it was written, Little Bear pushed me to do something with it. It began as the story of a deep sorrow and two broken hearts. A last attempt to tell someone they were loved when they were terrified. It was so sad that I couldn’t even go back and redraw the boards for the real ending any more than I could let PigTailz end her story there. So I had to make new adventures, give her a new life.
Maybe she will find love. Maybe love will find her. But probably not. Because this is not a story about being loved. Her story is about strength, adventure, and being there for others. Her story is about waking up and deciding to live. Every. Single. Day.
But one way or another, she will have many more adventures with little bear. Many more chances to touch the lives of others. And to rise again from the ashes.
I can barely believe how beautiful this little girl is growing up to be. Her eyes are mesmerizing. She’s almost as tall as i am. AND she can throw a mean punch, notices all the things I overlook, and is learning to chill and enjoy the world for everything it is. I had such an amazing… Continue reading PigTailz ‘n’ Little Bear
I can barely believe how beautiful this little girl is growing up to be. Her eyes are mesmerizing. She’s almost as tall as i am. AND she can throw a mean punch, notices all the things I overlook, and is learning to chill and enjoy the world for everything it is. I had such an amazing weekend with her.
I got to see a day where she felt beautiful, special, valued. Her eyes lit up when I let her wear my garb and dressed her kind of almost grown-up-y-ish. And again that same wide eyed, almost disbelieving smile when she saw her first Ren Faire store filled with tiaras and crowns. And that look of ‘I’m totally in shock but trying so hard to adult right now’ when I said she could select a treasure because she had been working so hard lately. She wasn’t expecting it all. She hadn’t asked. She knew it was out of budget. Shiny and gaudy and everything a little girl’s dreams are made of (except unicorns, fairies, twirly skirts, scotch tape, glue, robots with laser eyes that would do whatever you told them, a flash light and a screw driver of your very own). Of course we couldn’t afford it. Why think she could have those. She tried on every pair of these clip on ears. We’re all dying of boredom but she was so excited she had to do this all with the most extreme care. “This is the last pair you get to try, we need to get going.” And we were all soaked to the bone, muddy, irritable, but she was in her world. And this moment was so genuine, perfect and sweet that we couldn’t bare to ruin it with our impatience. Having carefully weighed her options, compared colors, styles, and weights. She had us put away the tiara. Checked, double checked, rechecked… finally she made a choice. And we were so relieved. But this was such an amazing moment. And she was waiting watching. Hating that the treasures were out of her hands. Hoping the cashier would be gentle because they were so fragile and what if they broke before they were hers. Timorously peeking over the counter. “No I don’t need a box, I’ll wear them, thank you.”
I watched her adjust her new jewelry about 10,875 times just for an excuse to touch them. The chin at an upward angle. Mimicking my walk… just a tiny little whole lot.
She felt like a ‘woman.’ Whatever that is in her world. I can’t tell you even what that meant to me in that same moment 25 (?) years ago.
I feel like being a woman meant things like walking on tiptoes, wearing too much makeup, and having a real life gold necklace. I wonder if it’s the same for her. Some romanticized notion so far removed from my real experiences that i try to prepare her? No way to know.
But yeah. I remember that moment. It was amazing when i felt it. It was more amazing watching my daughter feel it.
I think it’s the most i have ever related to her as a person. I dunno. Maybe I’m crazy, but i think it’s a rite of passage moment.
I took Little Bear to watch the Perseid Meteor Shower with very little light pollution. It was just the two of us camping, the sky was so clear, the night so cold, and the smores so delicious. Absolute magic.
I spent most of my time in the water here. There were small waves entertaining the local surfers and tourists. I was happy to find the beach was sandy and I didn’t need shoes to avoid sea urchins. I snorkeled around a little bit and found some life. I saw a few octopuses, puffer fish, and even a sea turtle.
Every day after swimming, I would stop up to Uma’s for a drink and too much to eat. The food here was seriously so good, I visited the place three times in an effort to try everything on the menu. The boasted an amazing vegetarian menu, the best mojitos, and bartender that picked fresh fruits for drink creations on their way into work. I don’t even like food.
PigTailz 